The collaborative divorce process has a completely different orientation from the litigation process and the adversary system that grounds the litigation process. The collaborative divorce process is focused on trying to find real solutions to real problems. The litigation process is mainly focused on finding who is at fault, what the damages are and who must pay those damages.
For the most part when lawyers are in law school they learn the fundamentals and nuances of the adversary system. The adversary system believes that by presenting, scrutinizing and attacking arguments, contentions and evidence the truth will emerge and justice will be done. The litigation process is aimed at assessing blame and determining who or what is at fault for problems and controversies.
Lawyers that have been collaboratively trained learn to refocus their energy and their intellect away from blame and fault and towards seeking options and solutions to problems.
In family disputes there is usually plenty of blame and fault to go around. Everyone has been hurt or damaged to some degree – especially the children – and all will pay somehow. But with a family in crisis does it really do anything to solve the crisis to spend more time, money and mental and emotional energy assessing blame and finding fault – or does that just make everything even worse?
If the family home is burning down you need a fireman and a
builder – not a bunch of people running around assessing/defending who or what
started the fire.
If your family is in crisis and facing a divorce wouldn’t it be better to go through this terrible process with a team that is passionate about trying to work together to solve problems verses working against each other to assess blame and deflect responsibility.
What makes sense for your family? If you’re curious, give a collaborative divorce professional a call and let them walk you through your options.