Collaborate Divorce Makes Better Post-Divorce Parents: Why?

One of the most important decisions that divorcing parents will make is which process to choose for their divorce. Not every couple is a good fit for a collaborative divorce. Some parents need to have someone to make decisions for them. But for those parents who put their children’s interest first and who understand that everyone wins when relationships and their estate are protected from long-term, expensive fighting in court, Collaborative Divorce can be the best choice. Not only is the experience of the divorce different in a litigated versus a collaborative divorce, but the long-term effects of the adversarial nature of a litigated divorce can negatively affect the parents and the children for the rest of their lives. In stark contrast, parents who handle their divorce as a Collaborative Divorce are more likely able to co-parent effectively, making them better parents and their children happier and emotionally healthier for the rest of their lives. Here are some of the reasons why:

Traditional Litigation:

1. Pits one parent against the other—one parent wins and the other loses
2. Puts the children in the middle of a war between the parents
3. Damages or destroys the parent’s relationship
4. Encourages the “Win at all Cost” approach
5. Requires expensive experts for psychological evaluations and custody evaluations
6. Can exhaust the family’s estate (including the children’s college funds) on protracted hearings and even jury trials
7. Custody provisions in a litigated divorce often do not encourage the parents to work together
8. Allows the children to be interviewed by or appear before the judge which can be traumatizing and scarring
9. Often causes children to take sides, which can cause permanent emotional damage to the children and continue for the rest of the parents’ and children’s lives

CollaborativeDivorce:

1. Focuses on the children’s needs and interests in addition to the parent’s desires and a healthier and more wholistic process
2. Gives the parents tools for working together for the benefit of the children during and after the divorce
3. Includes qualified experienced professionals who support and guide the parents in developing an agreement that is acceptable to both parents and is in the best interest of the children
4. Preserves relationships so that the parents and children can continue to have good relationship with both sides of the extended family and friends
5. Enables divorced parents to both be present at their children’s and grandchildren’s life events, such as baptisms, graduations, weddings and even holiday celebrations and school and athletic functions without the tension and animosity that results from a litigated divorce
6. Helps divorcing parents to learn how to work together in option development and evaluation for future decisions that will need to be made for the children, preventing them from even having to return to Court
7. Is usually less expensive than a litigated divorce
8. Offers the opportunity for reaching a deep and lasting peace between the parents

Collaborative Divorce is a dispute resolution process that brings divorcing parents together in an emotionally safe and supported environment. This environment enables parents to reach a mutual agreement and a durable settlement, which is more likely to meet the needs of the parties than a court ordered resolution. The Collaborative Divorce process can give children of divorce what every child of divorce deserves—strong, healthy relationships and lasting peace.